It was getting later in the day and on a Friday. A day when everyone tends to get off work earlier for the weekend. The streets flood with cars, careless with their minds elsewhere, anywhere but the road. But he insisted. Not to worry. Something didn’t sit right and I nervously joked how I didn’t want him getting hit by a car.

But Awesome dressed the part, grabbed his helmet and breezed out the door for his usual bike ride. Just another gorgeous Ferris Bueller’s day; it was hard not to take advantage of being outside.

So I suppressed all worries back into the pit of my stomach and went about my day.

Minutes passed longer than his usual time away. Again, silencing the concerns I sat out on the porch to await his return until he finally reappeared, signaling left into our driveway. Smiling hellos I glanced at his form. His body was covered in dirt, all up and down one side, but his demeanor remained calm and collected. Something felt off. I asked – did you fall?

He looks at me, with a twinkle in his eye to let me know he was alright and then exclaims, Now, I don’t want you to freak out…but I got hit by a car!

The world stopped as those words hung in the air for what felt like a small eternity. I know the shock I felt is not anything remotely close to his experience, as a Ford Explorer knocked him off his bike, less than a mile from the house. And while he only experienced some minor scrapes, more to his bike than his actual body, a thousand things were (and are still) running through my head…I was living my own personal nightmare while wide awake.  The promise of 40 years. The long, philosophical conversations over – insert alcoholic beverage here. How he can still make me swoon after all these years. The fact that serious health events finally brought us to this plot of land only to have it almost cut short in less than a year. The unending parade of images, memories, what if scenarios and thoughts of life without Awesome shifted through my mind as if on a carousel slide projector, yet somehow simultaneously…and at warp speed.

Then the one loudly resonating thought…I nearly lost you.

I gravitate back and forth between anger, stupor, relief, an emotional earthquake tied up in a bow of deep melancholy…and then back again. It’s too easy to get wrapped up in the thoughts of what my life would be like without this one human being. The one I have tied my soul too for almost a decade now. And what it would be like if that energy, that presence, that love was stripped away by some careless action. It really puts things into perspective.

So after all the negative emotions fade away and the sun parts the clouds, I am going to make some changes.  You know, like really being present during conversations and not mentally elsewhere while on my phone. Not arguing over anything trivial. Taking those moments to be appreciative and grateful. To say those long, sappy goodbyes like it’s the last time. To bask in all the now while we march together toward the finish line, hand in hand.

So take a moment to tell your loved one how much you care about them.

Watch the road for pedestrians and cyclists.

And put down your damn phone!

***

Original Posting on my old blog in June of 2018 - I've noticed a carelessness in driving as of late; having nearly been hit in the Home Depot parking lot this past week. Everyone is in too big of a hurry, distracted by any number of things and not paying attention to what's right in front of them. Life is precious and one of the few things that is irreplaceable.